| Noose... |
Why? Actually, don't answer that. Just fucking shut the hell up. It's your business, right? "Pink, it was love at first sight." Whatever. I don't even care anymore. I am tired of the pain I get from you. I told you I didn't love you that way anymore. I bet you didn't even think about why, did you? Well, here; let me make it FUCKING OBVIOUS TO YOU: I wanted you to be fucking happy and stop fucking complaining about me loving you and how you can't handle it and how you aren't ready for a commitment and all that bullshit. Quite frankly, no one wants to hear it. No one wants to hear you bitch. It doesn't help people to bring them down with your problems. I am fucking sorry. I just wanted you to love me. I just want people to be happy. I wanted you to be happy. But I realize that I can't spread happiness to others until I am happy with myself. I'm sorry I ever tried with you. I should have known I wasn't good enough.
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Why the fuck am I so jealous? It shouldn't matter to me. I was over her. I shouldn't care anymore... but why does it still hurt me this much?
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Betrayal? Whatever. That's a bunch of bullshit. You are so blind. And you. You hurt me too. Why do you glare at me like that? Why? Because I don't love you? Whatever. You know what? YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT!? I'LL FUCKING TELL YOU: I HATE YOU. ALL YOU TWO BRING ME IS MISERY AND PAIN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I LOVE MISERY AND PAIN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSES PAIN THE MOST TO ME? I STILL LOVE YOU. AND I CAN'T STOP. I HAVE TRIED. I WANT TO HATE YOU. I WANT TO HAVE A REASON TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND. I WANT A REASON, BUT I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING REASON. I CAN'T LEAVE YOU BEHIND BECAUSE I KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. AND IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT, THEN FUCK YOU BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. IT'S THERE. IT'S ALWAYS THERE. BUT YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAS TO DEAL WITH IT. I DO. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS FEELING NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU MAKE ME WISH I WAS DEAD ON THE COLD CONCRETE FLOOR OF MY BASEMENT WITH TWO FUCKING GASHES IN MY ARMS ON EACH GODDAMN WRIST OF MINE, I STILL LOVE YOU. AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS FEELING. ARE YOU CRYING YET? YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK SO. I KNOW I DON'T MEAN ENOUGH TO YOU TO MAKE YOU CRY. SURE, YOU WOULD CRY IF I WERE STANDING THERE. YOU ARE AN ACTRESS. THAT'S ALL YOU ARE. NOTHING MORE. YOU HAVE BEEN AN ACTRESS FOR SO LONG, THERE IS NOTHING LEFT. THERE IS NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY SOUL WITH A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER AND A DRYING INKPEN LEFT INSIDE THAT VESSEL OF YOURS. THERE IS NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.
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"You're raising quite a fine young daughter, ma'am. She'll be JUST LIKE YOU ONE DAY..."
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I never want to lose you.
Have a nice life.
When Everything Was Ugly... - And Ugly It Remains...