| Noose... |
It is early.
Damn.
.
Still have no job. Still looking. But still nothing.
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Still don't want to live at my dad's home. Still looking, but no other options.
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Still white as all fuck. Not trying to change that though.
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Excuse me sir? How do you explain that you are in love without sounding like a completely twiterpated youth and without previous knowledge of what love truly is?
.
Oh really? Simple as that huh?
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Well, in that case...
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I am in love.
.
With you.
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No, not you. You.
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I am still out at night. Just watch for me on the streets and in the moonlight. Maybe you will see me someday.
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And maybe someday you will stop me and tell me what is in your heart.
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I will always listen.
.
Always.
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I just want to be held.
Hold me. Please...
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I wish I was with my grandma right now.
.
She always makes me feel warm inside.
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Except when she asks me questions about myself.
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"Why is it that you find it fine for you to love someone, but whenever they seem to love you back you get defensive and run away?"
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Because,...
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Because I don't know.
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But I am not scared of love anymore.
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I have come to discover that love can be a good thing.
.
And this is something new to me.
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If you love me tell me.
.
You don't even have to tell me.
I can always seem to see it in your eyes, or in your smile, or in your touch.
You hold me when I want you to, but I never have to ask you.
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I need you because I love you. I don't love you because I need you.
.
Ha. Just think. I made it this far without you, so I obviously don't need you all that much.
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You can't find love by default.
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It doesn't work that way.
It probably does sometimes though.
Probably.
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Missing you, kitten.
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And a little black umbrella for your thoughts.
And for your comfort.
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I will come looking for you someday.
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Someday soon.
.
.
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Lighter note: I am going camping from July 27 to August 1. Ketchum, ID, I believe. I can take five people. Let me know if you are interested.
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Friends are always welcome.
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I am going to be a good father some day.
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I love children.
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Just don't confront me on the matter; I have a reputation that needs withholding. Whatever.
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I am a good father.
I am a good father.
I am a good father.
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And I wish to keep the same mother around till the day I die. And maybe a little longer.
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One shot. No divorce. No breakup of my family. House on a Hill. That is what Pendleton means. I set the example for my family. I will be the house on a hill. I will be daddy to everyone. I will be a good father. I am a good father.
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And I have good kids.
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I love my kids.
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I love you, kids...
When Everything Was Ugly... - And Ugly It Remains...