| Noose... |
No words from me for two weeks.
So much happening.
Oh my god...
Here goes...
Alcohol is poison. Not the alcohol itself, but all the shit that tends to go with it...
You guys know what I'm talking about...
The four have been staying at my house a lot. I enjoy it thoroughly.
One of them is not only one of THE four, but is also one of MY four. I love to help her. I want to make her understand she has a spark too.
There are also the other three. We have the pyro that just needs someone to care about him. We also have the tall kid with a surprisingly firm abdomen (haha) that is just misunderstood by many.
And finally we have the endless abyss of a man whose soul is closely identical to that of my own. Never thought it possible, but there is someone out there that reminds me of me...
I'm glad. Seriously happy. Thank you four for staying with me. You practically live with me anyway. Heehee.
And I also have the One. My one. One of my four, but the one I have the most. I am forced to abstain from something that I can indulge in so easily. Good test for a healthy relationship, right?
She is mine. I love her. I finally got the balls to tell her. I did it over the fucking phone, but I told her. It is hard for me. I can so easily walk up to a random soul and confess an imaginary love that I probably wouldn't really have for them, but when it is real, when it is authentic and true, it takes a lot. It takes a part out of me that I basically sacrifice to the receiver of my confession. It is up to them wether they respond with it mutually, or if they deny it and practically tear it to tiny pieces and allow them to drop, with my tears that can never come, to the floor at my feet below.
Maybe it is a good thing that I will never be able to witness the sight of my own salty tears in a puddle on the earth. My sorrow will never desecrate the purity of this natural world. I am not allowed to let it.
So anyway, I told her. This in itself is evidence that I had enough courage to serve my heart to her on a plate of silver. I couldn't believe she did the same. It made me feel...whole...
So now everyone can hear me say it, even if you already knew, even if you don't believe me, even if you don't want to hear it. It is true. I don't need to justify myself to those who deny it. It isn't just something I say. I feel it.
I love you, Anna.
I love the rest of you as well.
I am whole. You make me complete. All of you. Never let me go. I am now collected enough to be what I wanted to be to you all. I am your Black Angel. I will protect you all forever...
I love you...
I feel you...
I feel...
It was you who inspired me...
Love me...
No more tears...
Only bliss...
I am ready for anything...
Hold the blade to my throat, touch the barrell to my temple, slide the needle in my arm...
Nothing can stop me now...
They wont let me go...
They love me.
I love them.
I love...
My heart of stone has crumbled...
The subtlety of the radiance within the dark black interior of the earthy shell is starting to show through. Enjoy it while it lasts.
I can only love...
(But only a few can still make it through the duct tape...for those that know what the fuck I'm talking about...)
I am reborn into a new soul. More powerful, more stoic, more...me. I am becoming someone else. I am starting the change...
Watch out...
When Everything Was Ugly... - And Ugly It Remains...