| Noose... |
Happy Birthday Russell
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Alright. Here I go...
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I just spent the past few days in my escape from my life. I just pulled two nine hour shifts of manual labor laying down a sidewalk for my great aunt Margie who has terminal brain cancer. Shit happens. Before and after those shifts, I was either tearing down the fabric on an antique couch that my grandmother was upholstering or welding miscellaneous items. Or perhaps I was merely wandering around in her garden with a shovel and a rake, digging and shuffling through the soil to sift it out. Either way, I spent a few days working my ass off, and quite frankly, I don't remember much else.
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I'm sorry.
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Smile for you? Cry for me...
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I am a king. I left my kingdom, but I am returned.
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I hate myself. I wish I could die. I am not suicidal. Do it for me? I don't have time to be dead. I'm too busy. Leave me alone. Point that scythe somewhere else. You'll poke someone's eye out.
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I never said I knew you. I just said I found you predictable. To no one person in particular, two two specifically. Kill me if it will make you happier.
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So yeah. Once I was a camel walking through the desert... This camel is really getting tired of being a pack rat. The more shit I put on myself, the harder it becomes to walk. Sure I am a pretty strong camel, but these coconuts just get too goddamn heavy for me. Cocunuts in a pack, duct tape barriers around my heart, junk in a drawer, cancer, love for you, love for me, love for you too... Too heavy. I should drop something. I can't drop it. I tied it all together. With duct tape. I drop a coconut, I drop the rest with it. And I love my coconut. I love it. It hurts me. I love the coconut's hurt. I don't want my coconut to cry for me. Coconut? Forgive me? I need someone to drive a nail into me. Then a straw. Drink my tropical milks straight from my core. I need help kids. I really need your help. I can't go by myself anymore. I need someone to lean on. I am independent. I need no one and nothing. I live my the sword, and by thus shall I be slain. No one else uses swords. I am safe for now. Cougar Magnum .50 - extended barrel - paint it black - "Jesus is in Heaven" - ... - black... leave it alone... mercy is in its solitude... feel no pity... My punishment is greater than I can bear. - Genesis iv. 13 - Darkness which may be felt. - Exodus x. 21 - Gabriel save me. Angel of Mercy deliver unto me. Take me from the darkness into the light of truth. Am I not worthy hitherto? Gabriel hold me. St. Gabriel protect me from this punishment for which I have no crime. Protect me from this damnation and this excommunication from the Realm of Light. St. Gabriel, once more shall I ask of you to be my guiding Light. I need you. Encompass my soul within your immortal wings; deny the blood of Judas within my veins. I do not wish this Damnation upon my innocent soul and my traitorous blood...
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Bleed for me. Cry for me. Scream for me. Die for me. And smile...
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For you I do all these things, and yet I am empty still.
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Do I not love you enough?
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Do you not love me? You ne'er loved me. You know what love is. But you can't put it into practice. Love is not the razorblade and burning knife inside your heart. Love is the milk and ice and blood that cools and soothes the pain. Blood is blood, and it is from thus that you shall be made into the milk and nectar of the Angels and the Demons. Archangels, Gabriel, seraphim, Michael, Danyael, Uriel, Raphael, ophanim, Raguel, Saraquael/Sariel, Ramiel/Phanuel, Metatron, Anael, Raziel, Azrael, Israfel, Camael, Help me now. I need you all. I need to get through this life, and I can't do it alone anymore. Give me your love, your light, and your hate. Also give me your darkness, for without it I could not be. I need to rest my weary mind. My soul is tired of crying and it pains from screaming. My eyes, my heart, my body, they ache with exertion. My mind, my thoughts, my dreams, they scream to me and call for help that they know will never come to them...
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Have you ever seen a rose cry tears of blood?
When Everything Was Ugly... - And Ugly It Remains...