| Noose... |
So I was walking home from the high school the other day...
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I had just finished saying goodbye to Rocio. I kissed her on the lips. Her lips are always soft and her kisses make my lips go numb...
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Anyway...
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I met a man on the path beside the canal. I nodded to him. He pulled a bandana over his face and .38 Special to mine. It was shiny and silver. I bet it was cold in the front of his pants. I thought I was going to die. Right there. And no one would know for awhile. No one to cry for me. But my first conscious thought: I don't want Rocio to cry. I know that is what you would hear in a movie or read in a book, but it is the truth. I didn't want to think of her crying because I got my head blown off. I didn't want to picture her tears running down her nose and onto her soft, numbing lips because she heard that I wasn't around anymore to hold her tight and kiss her tenderly.
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I figured out what love really is.
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And it is a secret.
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It's more fun when you find out for yourself anyway.
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I looked down into the barrel of the gun, then leaned to the side and stared at the man in the eyes. He was scared. I saw fear in him. He didn't want to shoot me. He didn't want to get in trouble. He didn't want to know what I would do if I felt threatened. He didn't want me not to be scared. So I wasn't. I stared right at him and asked him where he was going. He said it was none of my business. I told him he was right, but that I didn't want him to go near the school. I didn't want him to know that I had friends in there. I didn't want him to know that there were people that I cared about, so vulnerable and oblivious in their summer school desks. Like Ben. Ben took trail mix to school that day. I like trail mix. And Rocio. I love her. I vow my life to her, not that bastard that dared to wave an instrument of death in my face.
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I called the police when he stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the school, and followed him until the cops arrived. I waited for more than one unit to show up.
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Jed told me he heard about it on the news. He also told me that the same guy had just killed another teenager.
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It could have been two. Outward apathy saved my ass.
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Don't threaten me. It get's annoying. If you ever want to kill me, just do it. Don't stand around and talk about it. You might miss your chance.
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I got to stay with Rocio and Ana and Tato for a few days. Good times...
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Pizza Hut wants me to work there. Again, good times...
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July 27 - August 3. I have my house to myself. I will be looking forward to company. Come over if you feel like hanging out or whatever.
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Hey Anna, sorry to have to do this over the fucking diary, but...
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I am going to have to let you go. I can't have you to hold onto to try to make myself have a constant reminder of what my life has been for the past year. Don't call me. I won't answer. I didn't disappear. I just can't let you remember that I ever existed. I loved you. That is all...
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Are you sure you wish to send this file to the Recycle Bin?
Yes... No...
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Yes.
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File deleted!
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Goodbye...
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That boy that wanted to be a man, that creature that felt no place among the living, that single soul that felt no pain...
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He is dead now. His body sways in the wind from a rope tied to the overpass over the railroad tracks on 10th Ave.
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Take a picture. It won't last you.
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New life has been breathed into my lungs. New feelings, new tastes.
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"I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this..."
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Missing you...
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Nothing else matters to me anymore...
When Everything Was Ugly... - And Ugly It Remains...