| Noose... |
Read the entry before this one too. I just felt like writing again today.
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I don't know why I separate my paragraphs with periods. Maybe I do it to put a distinct end at the end of my thoughts. I can't remember when I started doing it. It was awhile ago, for sure, but I don't remember exactly when it was...
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Bah! There it is again! Look! Right above this!
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Oh fuck it...
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I was reading everybody's entries, and, as those that matter know, I have this uncanny desire to read every fucking entry. So, to make up for the month and a half that I haven't been here, I just spent the last few hours with my eyes glued to the monitor. Fuck I hurt.
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Anyway, I read a certain entry by a certain girl that I certainly enjoy but certainly don't let her know for certain that she is certainly enjoyed by me. Certainly.
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I could show you one that works. I could show you one in which forever is longer than a few weeks, or maybe even a year. I could show you one where the smiles are real and the flowers smell as sweet as you think they do. I could show you one where she still falls asleep in his arms after a fight before sleep time. I could show you one where the sex is almost tantric and the kisses are like butterflies from Heaven. I could show you a relationship that is so centripetally circular and balanced it is almost perfect. It is A Perfect Circle without the Maynard in the middle.
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Just enough equallity and disagreement to make it work well; keep it steady along the same path but with just enough rocks and potholes one each side to keep it interesting. Except those damn taquitos. Fuck, I fucking love those fucking little fuckers.
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I didn't sleep at all last week. I think my insomnia is getting worse. I don't know what I am going to do, or if I am even going to do anything at all. Should I? I get cranky and irritable when I don't sleep, but I get so damn creative and I feel so free. I think I only feel free because I am no longer tied to the bounds and rules of living. When I don't sleep, I forget everything all the time. Even stuff like peeing and eating my Coco-Puffs. I am just glad I don't end up remembering to pee but forgetting that I did it in my Coco-Puffs. Boy would that be a funky taste...
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I think I am starting to feel all grown up. Not like "Holy Crap! There's fur on my balls!" grown up, but the sort of ominous silence of wisdom grown up. Like a sage but not so flammable.
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Moo. And by 'moo' I mean I need to go get a glass of chocolate milk. Be right back...
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O.K. I am back. And this milk is good.
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She reminds me of Ducky on The Land Before Time. I realized this awhile ago but didn't tell anyone. I fucked Ducky! Heehee. Don't tell her I said that. She'll kick my ass.
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It doesn't matter how much I have changed in the last year or two. The sun still fucking hurts my eyes.
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I am like a picture of myself to you. I am how you remembered me but all you have are the images in your mind. I could be completely different than I was then and you wouldn't have a clue. For all you know, I am still the boy in the picture.
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Such a pretty boy; if only he smiled once in awhile.
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Watch the Nine Inch Nails video for Head Like A Hole. I want to be pulled up in the air like that. Fun times.
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Anyway kids, Daddy is going to go invent a way to feed himself chocomilk through an IV in his artery. Chocomilk on one arm and coffee on the other.
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Remember: Novocaine kills, for awhile. Then you wake up. But still. Novocaine kills!!